TWO

Weaving as therapy.... This is the first time in at least seven months that I've picked up a shuttle for the purpose of making something beautiful. That's because a year ago I thought I was doing well. I had high expectations for my creative future. And then came a months-long series of personal and professional experiences that collectively conveyed the message that my version of creativity didn't fit well with the community I had hoped to become a part of.

I was afraid I would be stuck in this gloomy place forever -- questioning, self-criticizing and over-analyzing what I perceived as my errors in judgment, my incompetence, my responsibility for things having gone awry. But there's good news: The cloud is starting to lift. It has taken me months of reading, reflection, writing and re-centering to understand a few new perspectives. I get it now.

• Fitting in is a competitive sport; there can only be so many members on a team.
• Rejection requires a thick skin; anything else makes it difficult to appreciate being relegated to the stands.
• Team play relies on players' abilities to communicate and compromise effectively; I'm skilled at the former but not the latter, and that's a problem.
• Compromise is a key element of collaboration; it can't happen when there is an imbalance of power between the collaborators.
• Social skills can be learned, but the knowledge is pointless if the student can't figure out how to use them.
• Finally, transactional relationships suck. Period.

You may have seen that meme circulating on the internet that says something to the effect that "Art is not a competitive sport." Oh, one can make art non-competitively; it's the prospect of sharing it with others where competition comes into play. The business side of art -- the side that creates opportunities to show the public the things one has made quietly and privately -- is competitive as hell. It's like corporate, where paintbrushes, opening receptions, stretcher bars and terra cotta clay have replaced the everyday hustle, the computers, production budgets and organizational awards. Art organizations offer entire courses to teach creative people how to navigate that competitive path. I have completed three such courses since 2020. The methods are essentially the same: Social media the hell out of things, mingle with the gallery keepers, manage your books, and put yourself out there. Otherwise, things are going to be pretty bleak.

What, though, if a creative person cannot find it in their soul to become a competitive person? Bad news: the likelihood of public exposure is pretty slim. What if a creative person can't appreciate the imbalance of power between artists, galleries, arts organizations and the like? Well then, they are likely to miss out on all sorts of opportunities that might help them pay for those paints they spread on a canvas. The type of creative person who is willing to engage in the hustle is more likely to become a part of the local art team, even if they aren't sure that's what they want. The less aggressive creative will be relegated to the stands.

I appreciate those who gave me an opportunity last year to show my artwork to the public. I am grateful that you took a chance. The truth is, I'm not the competitive person you want. I'm the person who wrestles every damned day with why I have to pay money to a gallery for someone to even look at my work when they already know what they want, but they don't have the wherewithal to say it. I'm the person who struggles when I have to mark up my artwork prices by 100% so a gallery owner can hang my art and maybe, just maybe, earn a hefty commission; I get the whole wall-rent thing, but high prices are a deterrent, not an incentive, to a potential buyer. I'm the person who feels let down when a gallery manager agrees to hang my work and assures me that they will do XYZ to promote it but then doesn't follow through, or they follow through with bags of Fritos and room-temperature canned sodas at the closing reception because that's what was easiest. I'm just not the competitive person that fits into this market.

But you already knew that.

So, today there is pink, red and purple.

Copyright 2023 ksFerguson